Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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