After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
