it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
