What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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