just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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