I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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