I bet he comes in French.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
