We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
