We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
