Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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