Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
