this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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