she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
