I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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