peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
