I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
