If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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