You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
