had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
