I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
