wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
