I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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