is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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