just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
