Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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