so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
