anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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