My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
