"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
