goodnight i made you a song goodbye
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
