god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize