i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
