We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
