very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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