im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
