Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
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how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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