his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
