Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
MIDGETS
????
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
