stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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