If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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