Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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