Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
