I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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