Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
