Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
