Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
