I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just want nice things and good sex
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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