so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
