So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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