I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
