I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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