My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
