can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize