Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
