I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
