My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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