just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
