Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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