Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
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God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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