This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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