i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
