I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
