The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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