Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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