you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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