she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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