are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
