He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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