4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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