? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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