My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You are the jesus of drinking
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
