Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
